My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
