Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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