Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
