Define "chronic" masturbator.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
