please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
