yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
