so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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