i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I DEMAND FORESKIN
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize