she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
