the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
accomplished twins. life is a go
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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