And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
