How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
