I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
