just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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