Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
