Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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