Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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