Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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