All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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