I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
