I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
