If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
