So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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