he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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