a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
