Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
