i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She said her name was "party"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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