Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
