His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
