Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize