she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
