I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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