The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's never too late to be topless.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
