Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
