When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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