I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
