we're blogging at a bar
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
