he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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