Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
