JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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