feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
