I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
