goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
