the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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