wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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