Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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