you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
