Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
