Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
