I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
