its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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