If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
