I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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