If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
