Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
