I puked a lego.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
