we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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