ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize