i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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