Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
