you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize