I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
