I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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