True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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