Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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