First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize