i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
