he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
