Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
