saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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