already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
