Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
