Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
