Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
