im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
