So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
