Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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