come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
