I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
