He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
