i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do herpes really smell.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
