I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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