Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
