No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
