my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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