I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
