dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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