She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize