She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
